Parkinson’s Disease – the day that changed my life

I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease on the 15th of August 2007

It is hard to believe  that it was 12 years ago.

Looking back now I know I had some of the symptoms much earlier in my life. 

Some days it seems so long ago, a different life, a different person.

Other days it seems only like yesterday…..

I sat across the desk from the man with cold lifeless eyes

His face blank and  emotionless, a mask of detachment. 

I suppose he was used to conveying bad news and had for years trained himself to become emotionally detached and devoid of sympathy or empathy

But I’m sure I caught a brief flash of humanity in those pale eyes.

In a flat emotionless voice, his words echoed in my head

“YOU HAVE EARLY STAGES OF PARKINSON’S DISEASE”

I kept repeating his phrase.

Sure parkinson’s is an old person’s disease ?

Then my mind dismissed it  as if it was a dream and I barely remember what else was said. 

I left the room more concerned that my parking disc had expired.

Its funny how the mind copes with trauma and bad news.

A Parkinson’s Story

The moment of  diagnosis is so surreal 

There’s been a mistake, this can’t be real

Leaving you shell shocked, without any feeling

Your head is numb,  your mind is reeling

But it’s an old man’s disease, you exclaim !

Like that old guy, oh what’s his name ?

Clutching at straws, your mind in denial

They must have someone else’s file 

Why is this happening to me ?

It’s so unfair, how can this be ?

What did I do to deserve this faith?

It’s all a big mistake, just you wait

But the cold hard truth can not be denied

The cold harsh feeling deep inside

That feeling of helplessness, the loss of  independence

The slow erosion of self- esteem and confidence

While this cross is yours to bear

There is support out there

Reach out to your friends,  your family

Be as honest and open as you can be

 It is OK to cry, shout and feel angry

To feel helpless and hopeless, lost and lonely

Acknowledge that you are fragile and tender

Acceptance is not surrender

Parkinson’s  is progresive and will get worse 

Changing my life daily,  both a blessing and a curse

But while I  have the strength, I will not forget

To cherish every moment without regret.

Do not fear the future, it is not here

For it may be very different from what you fear

Let your regrets and worries fade away

Just be the best you can be today…

2019. Denis Murphy 16 August 2019.