A Meditation on Constipation

The doctor and nurses ask me the same old question

With my bowels they seem to have an obsession

I’m drinking water with great gusto and passion

Devouring laxatives as if they’re going out of fashion

Then back to the loo and resume my mission

To meditate in my seated position

Causing so much inconvenience

It really is trying my patience

Though I try and try with all my might

All through the day and throughout the night

Wasting time I could be asleep

It so frustrating it makes me weep

I just can’t seem to get it right

As I try my best to have a sh*t*e

Like the old song we used to sing

Just don’t sit there, do something

About that mean old Scotsman, broken hearted

Who paid his penny but only farted

Bet he was a gas man too

Sitting there for hours on the loo

In the middle of the night all alone

Like a court jester upon the royal throne

Sitting here in such concentration

Causing me so much grief and consternation

Sitting there in anticipation

Just me and my constipation

Belly is so bloated and full of gas

But I just can’t  get it past my ass

Stomach rumbles and growls like thunder

As I sit there and begin to wonder

Will I ever have a decent crap

Suddenly, I’m a happy chap

Oh what a feeling of relief

But my joy is short and brief

Flushed with the joy of success

Now I’d better clean this mess.

The rest of the day I’ll be on the run

I guess today won’t be so much fun

Spending my day on the can

But all that said, I’m a happy man

Filled with satisfaction and delight

Now that I’m no longer full of sh*t*e

1. Denis Murphy 10 May 2018