A Meditation on Constipation
The doctor and nurses ask me the same old question
With my bowels they seem to have an obsession
I’m drinking water with great gusto and passion
Devouring laxatives as if they’re going out of fashion
Then back to the loo and resume my mission
To meditate in my seated position
Causing so much inconvenience
It really is trying my patience
Though I try and try with all my might
All through the day and throughout the night
Wasting time I could be asleep
It so frustrating it makes me weep
I just can’t seem to get it right
As I try my best to have a sh*t*e
Like the old song we used to sing
Just don’t sit there, do something
About that mean old Scotsman, broken hearted
Who paid his penny but only farted
Bet he was a gas man too
Sitting there for hours on the loo
In the middle of the night all alone
Like a court jester upon the royal throne
Sitting here in such concentration
Causing me so much grief and consternation
Sitting there in anticipation
Just me and my constipation
Belly is so bloated and full of gas
But I just can’t get it past my ass
Stomach rumbles and growls like thunder
As I sit there and begin to wonder
Will I ever have a decent crap
Suddenly, I’m a happy chap
Oh what a feeling of relief
But my joy is short and brief
Flushed with the joy of success
Now I’d better clean this mess.
The rest of the day I’ll be on the run
I guess today won’t be so much fun
Spending my day on the can
But all that said, I’m a happy man
Filled with satisfaction and delight
Now that I’m no longer full of sh*t*e
- Denis Murphy 10 May 2018
