My Silly Red Hat.

My masters brought home a tree

I thought that it was just for me 

But when I cocked my leg to pee

They reacted rather angrily 

They said that I was being bold

And then locked me out in the cold 

Then that ugly fat bulldog from number 8

Stopped and piddled on our front gate

Then he said that my mother was a bitch 

So he ended up needing more than one stitch

When he came home from the vets, he wasn’t quite the same

With a bucket on his head – Oh the embarrassment and the shame !

I was dreaming the other night of a big juicy bone

It was all for me and me alone

I didn’t have to share with the neighbour’s cat

Always sneaking around like a dirty little rat

Stealing my food and hiding my toys

When all of a sudden I thought I heard a noise

I opened my eyes and what did I see

But a big fat burglar in a silly red suit and hat, just staring at me

So I chased him around the room, almost knocking my tree

But he took me by surprise by escaping up the chimney !

I thought  he would surely get stuck

But no, up on the roof he had a getaway truck.

I rushed to the window and just caught the strangest sight

Some funny looking cows, flying off into the night

Startling and scattering the neighbourhood crows

And I could swear that one of them had a shiny red nose

He reminded me of uncle Richard, always happy and merry

According to my master, he is rather fond of the sherry.

I hope that burglar has learned his lesson and won’t be back

‘Cos in his panic to escape, he dropped a very large sack

Full of nice things he must have stolen from other girls and boys

The children are delighted, they have never seen so many toys

Their parents look bewildered and puzzled as they try to sort all that

But all he left for me was his silly red hat !

C..Denis Murphy 20 December 2021.