Here is the Truth, No Word of a Lie !
Here’s the true story about Jack and Jill
You know those two eejits, who went up the hill
Now every morning, Jill is very ill
Because the silly girl, forgot to take her pill
But Jack the lad says he wasn’t there at all
He was with little Miss Muffet behind the wall
And it was probably little Boy Blue and his big horn
Who was supposed to be in the field gathering some corn
Or maybe it was Tom Pepper telling a lie
It might have been him who stuck his thumb in her pie
Little Bo Peep couldn’t give a flock about her sheep
So they all ran away, while she was asleep
Her fairy Godmother granted her a wish
They ran away with that dirty old dish
But the spoon was so brokenhearted
That little Miss Muffet screamed and then farted
She blew poor Humpty Dumpty right off the wall
And no one could put him back together at all
Not even all the King’s men
Who tried in vain, again and again
And that stupid old cow
Thought she could somehow
Leap like a Marsh Hare and jump over the moon
While the Pied Piper played a merry old tune
The wolf and the three silly little pigs
Danced a reel, a hornpipe and a few jigs
Huffing and puffing, they danced another set
Before they finally gasping, they ran out of breath
The sly old wolf knew he was onto a winner
And invited the three little piggies to his house for dinner….
The three bears came home to find their house destroyed
And quite rightly were very annoyed
With that girl with the golden hair
Who had tossed their beds and broken a chair
Eaten their dinner and left the bowls in the sink
And left the bathroom in a terrible stink
They called Mother Hubbard up on the phone
But her cupboard was bare except for her old dog’s bone.
Teddy was so hungry but there was nothing in the fridge
All that trouble over a lousy bowl of porridge.
On the other side of the wood
Was Little Red Riding Hood
Out for her Sunday stroll
Basket full of scones and a breakfast roll
Called to her grandmother’s place
For a chat and to see a friendly face
But only to find in her bed,
A big bad wolf instead
She reached for the axe and cut off his head
And rescued her grandmother from the garden shed !
So hey diddle diddle
The cat played the fiddle
And the three blind mice
Went dancing on the ice
Then the little dog piddled
On the cat as he fiddled
The cat was not amused and picked up his hat
And that my friends. was the end of that
So that is my story and I’m sticking to it
No word of a lie, you’d better believe it !
C/ Denis Murphy 22 January 2019.