Here is the Truth, No Word of a Lie !

Here’s the true story about Jack and Jill

You know those two eejits, who went up the hill

Now every morning, Jill is very ill

Because the silly girl, forgot to take her pill

But Jack the lad says he wasn’t there at all

He was with little Miss Muffet behind the wall

And it was probably little Boy Blue and his big horn

Who was supposed to be in the field gathering some corn

Or maybe it was Tom Pepper telling a lie

It might have been him who stuck his thumb in her  pie

Little  Bo Peep couldn’t give a flock about her sheep

So they all ran away,  while she was asleep

Her fairy Godmother granted her a wish

They ran away with that dirty old dish

But the spoon was so brokenhearted

That little Miss Muffet screamed and then farted

She blew poor Humpty Dumpty right off the wall

And no one could put him back together at all

Not even  all the King’s men

Who tried in vain, again and again

And that stupid old cow

Thought she could somehow

Leap like a Marsh Hare and jump over the moon

While the Pied Piper played a merry old tune

The wolf and the three silly little pigs

Danced a reel, a hornpipe and a few jigs

Huffing and puffing, they danced another set

Before they finally gasping, they ran out of breath

The sly old wolf knew he was onto a winner

And invited the three little piggies to his house for dinner….

The three bears came home to find their house destroyed

And quite rightly were very annoyed

With that girl with the golden hair

Who had tossed their beds and broken a chair   

Eaten their dinner and left the bowls in the sink

And left the bathroom in a terrible stink

They called Mother Hubbard up on the phone

But her cupboard was bare except for her old dog’s bone.

Teddy was so hungry but there was nothing in the fridge

All that trouble over a lousy bowl of porridge.

On the other side of the wood

Was Little Red Riding Hood

Out for her Sunday stroll

Basket full of scones and a breakfast roll

Called to her grandmother’s place

For a chat and to see a friendly face

But only to find in her bed,

A big bad wolf instead

She reached for the axe and cut off his head

And rescued her grandmother from the garden shed !

So hey diddle diddle

The cat played the fiddle

And the three blind mice

Went dancing on the ice

Then the little dog piddled

On the cat as he fiddled

The cat was not amused and picked up his hat

And that my friends. was the end of that

So that is my story and I’m sticking to it

No word of a lie, you’d better believe it !

C/  Denis Murphy 22 January 2019.